Working Through The Tough Stuff
Patience. A word that has never settled correctly with me. How do you wait? How do you just revel in the unknown constantly? How do I push aside my fear of the future?
As a 23 almost 24 (yikes) year old woman. I have a lot of unknowns surrounding me. Where is my new job going to relocate me to? Did I make the correct decision ending my three year (almost) perfect relationship? Is this new job the start of my 40+ year career or am I destined to do something different? So. Many. Questions. Nobody tells you about this part of adulthood. The part where everything is terrifying, well, at least to someone with anxiety like me. Everything feels scary and unsettling because adulthood is literally just taking every last thing day by day.
One of my goals for 2021 is to be more present, meaning that I NEED to be more present to ease my anxiety. I have to start living in the present so that I can really start living. The past can’t be changed and the future does not exist yet so why am I so constantly worried? Let’s talk about how to feel more secure in the present and what is happening in the moment.
I am writing this piece because I want to let other young girls and women know that you are not alone in feeling scared, anxious, or nervous for the future. Especially during these unprecedented times. Being a 20-something year old right now feels like you are being robbed of some of the best years of your life (or is that just me?) anyways, do not fret because the universe will always bring you what you need. What do I mean by that? Well, it means that your own higher power (a god, the universe, whatever it may be) will not let what is meant for you pass by you. If something does not work out in your favor it’s because something better is meant to come along.
If you are a high school aged girl reading please do not be frightened by what you are reading. Life is scary and full of questions, but also beautiful. Beautiful in the sense that the world is your oyster right now. Make every decision with your logic and heart working together. Enjoy the time you have now being a kid still and take some risks. When it comes time to ‘adult’ make sure you are setting yourself up for a life of happiness. Only YOU know what you need for the future. You get to learn and grow with yourself and become your own best friend while welcoming others into your garden of growth.
Wow, I am so excited to watch you grow. I think of my sister and how she is entering her second year of high school. It’s so fun to think back to where I was at in that stage in my life. I am so glad that I get to watch her throughout this crucial part of her life. Just know that you will be okay and that things will pan out exactly how they are meant to. You will be the person you always dreamed of being.
I wanna talk about romantic relationships for a quick second. I just got out of a three year relationship almost three weeks ago. It’s been tough. Some of the reason that it’s been tough is because of the culture that surrounds romantic relationships for 20-something year olds. As a 23-year-old woman I can attest to the fact that there is so much pressure from the media to stick it out and work through things that aren’t working because ‘love doesn’t come around often’ which is true because love looks different for everyone but also it’s everywhere around you. It’s within yourself, in your friends, in your pet, in the little old lady that you had a conversation with at the grocery store, and so many other places. Putting so much pressure on romantic relationships causes them to end prematurely. Now, I am not saying that is what ended my relationship but mine closing has made me really think about the culture surrounding relationships in your 20's.
We are so quick to put pressure on ourselves to find our soulmate when we need to be willing to be our own soulmate first. There are so many people in the world and humans are always changing. Things sometimes don’t work out and I think we should start normalizing people needing to bow out of relationships romantic or platonic gracefully. Please put your own happiness first and then worry about the other stuff. You matter and your mental health matters. In the long run you need to go with your gut and not worry about the people around you. What they think can’t determine how you feel about yourself and how you feel about yourself is what determines how likely you are to achieve your dreams.
You know I am giving all of this advice but how do we get there? Tying it back to the beginning for you all since I just rambled this whole time. Patience. To achieve everything I have been talking about we need to be patient and willing to take care of ourselves to the fullest extent. Be Patient. Trust your process. Take care of your mind, body, and emotions. This next part is easier said than done but do not worry about the things that you cannot control. Like I mentioned earlier, the present is all we truly have so why worry about the things that aren’t here yet? Be patient with your process and embrace everything that comes your way because it is all part of your story. Never forget how powerful and capable you are to become the exact person you want to be.
This article is written by itsardenn guest, Unique Haugabook (pictured above). Unique is a story teller, young professional, and advocate for all things good and equal.